Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt

I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.

The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife--because the music hadn't been beautiful enough.

Because Brenda [Carlin] had a drinking problem along with the coke, she had to hit bottom first. Most alcoholics do. And for her, bottom was an automobile accident that almost landed her in jail.

Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself.

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.