You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

I don't think we really gave barbarism a fair try.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.