An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

A man's wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.

Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

There is something distinguished about even his failures; they sink not trivially, but with a certain air of majesty, like a great ship, its flags flying, full of holes.

I drink to make other people interesting.