An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

A poet, any real poet, is simply an alchemist who transmutes his cynicism regarding human beings into an optimism regarding the moon, the stars, the heavens, and the flowers, to say nothing of Spring, love, and dogs.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

I drink so the others become interesting.

Impersonal criticism?is like an impersonal fist fight or an impersonal marriage, and as successful.

A man's wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.

The sweetest memory is that which involves something which one should not have done; the bitterest, that which involves something which one should not have done, and which one did not do.