I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.

I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.

If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.