I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.

I guess if they ever do a remake of 'Sophie's Choice,' I could play the Meryl Streep part. I've got to work on my Polish accent. Maybe I'll be the definitive King Lear one day. You know, if they ever feel that King Lear should be more Jewy.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”