I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!

A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.

Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.

I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.