Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.

I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.