With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.

I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.