With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

You can say "ass," but you can't say "asshole." That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an "ass." Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.

I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.

I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing African-American. What does it even mean?

Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.