There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.

I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'

I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.

I guess if they ever do a remake of 'Sophie's Choice,' I could play the Meryl Streep part. I've got to work on my Polish accent. Maybe I'll be the definitive King Lear one day. You know, if they ever feel that King Lear should be more Jewy.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.