With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club.

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.

If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.

The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.