I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.

I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

Nothing can help my comedy.

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'

Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.