People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?

My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young.

I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.

If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.'