Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.

Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.