I use profanity because I like profanity, but I'm not vulgar. Big difference. I love profanity because I really think profanity is cool.

When my woman kisses me I start dancing like James Brown. Ow! I Feel Good!

The one thing you don't want to be is a sucky clean comic. I hate sucky clean comics! It's like Christian rock, bro. I'd rather listen to gospel and Christian rock. That's cheating!

I think there are people living in Walmart dressed up as employees.

I got into trouble a lot in school. They say you're a disturbance in class. You're a distraction, they're moving you around. You never really get rewarded in class for being funny. You're a disturbance. But the funny kid is often witty and clever and quick... they finally get a chance to express themselves when they get out of school.

But there's times when I like to find the strange angles to something. People go, 'I heard a lot of jokes like that, but that's one of the most interesting takes I heard.' That's what I try to do.

Tell your girlfriend or wife you love them everyday. Like I do!