In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints

It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating.

I don't think anyone wants to be gay.

I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.

The only time I took Ecstacy was years and years ago. It was absolutely amazing.

I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.