Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.

If he's not calling you, it's because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn't follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he's okay with disappointing you.

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.

I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.

I always say that I love magic but I hate magicians. I like being fooled. If you wave your hands in front of my face and I think you're doing a trick, I'm easily impressed. If you pull a quarter out of my ear, I'm quite certain you're a wizard. But I don't like the way most magicians don't act like they're magical; they act like show business dicks.

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!