Greg Behrendt Quotes

A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves

Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.

He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.

I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book.

Ive learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.

The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.

Cheating gets easier every time it's done. It's only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone's trust.

big plans require big action

My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.

Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.

Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges

Uncool is a cool resting place. The pressure's off me.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself

Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

Don't waste the pretty

Be yourself. If something you do doesn't work, don't do it the next time. Listen to yourself - you know what appropriate behavior is.

If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.

As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.

Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.

Let's call cheating what it is: a complete betrayal of trust.

People don't admire you for what you hate, they admire you for what you do about it, and your slacks.

I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right.

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.

There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

Let's start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there's something better out there is to first believe there's something better out there. What other choice is there?

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.

But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.

There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.

When we're picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps for the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do.

I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.

It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.

I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.

I'm fascinated with human relationships. I advocate the relationship you have with yourself.

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.

I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.

I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.