The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.

Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t break up with you.

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.

He doesn't need to be reminded you're great.

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.