It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?

It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.

Once I saw a homeless man wearing his underwear on top of his pants. Now we say, why don't the homeless just go out and get a job? If he's wearing his underwear on top of his pants, I doubt his resume is in order, and I don't think he's going to make it too far in the interview process. In fact, I'm pretty sure that McDonald's has a no underwear over your pant policy.

Everybody thought that Titanic was the most romantic movie ever. A story about two teenagers who knew each other for three days. Try to make that movie with a couple that's been together for a few years. 'Get in the goddamn boat, Rose!' 'I don't wanna get in the boat!' 'Get in, come on, I'm freezing my ass off out here! I wanted to go to Jamaica, but no, we had to go on a cruise in the middle of the winter!' 'You never draw me naked anymore'

All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.