It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

I think all gay guys should get married. I think they should have to get married. They should have to adopt kids because, actually, I'm getting tired of their happy-go-lucky lifestyle. I've had it with them being all happy and in shape. I could look good in denim short shorts and combat boots, too, if I had all day to do leg presses at the gym.

Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.

If you spend five minutes with me or watch me try to balance my checkbook, you can only imagine the disaster I would make of anyone's legal issues.

It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.