How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.

We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.

Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I'm not going to investigate it if it doesn't effect me directly.

The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.