There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.

Ice-T is so old that the first thing he bought with the money from his album sales was his freedom.

You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?

I think all gay guys should get married. I think they should have to get married. They should have to adopt kids because, actually, I'm getting tired of their happy-go-lucky lifestyle. I've had it with them being all happy and in shape. I could look good in denim short shorts and combat boots, too, if I had all day to do leg presses at the gym.