There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.