George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

On a day-to-day basis, you get tired of waiting to be accepted. In show business, someone else has to say that you're good or that you're worth going to see or worth taping a show. There's a lot of pain here. There's a lot of pain inside. I'm a sad, crying-on-the-inside kind of clown.

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.

Ice-T is so old that the first thing he bought with the money from his album sales was his freedom.