The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.

I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.

It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

Edible underwear?... even during sex, we can't stop eating.

The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

Some people say Larry the Cable Guy's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and homophobic tendencies. Don't listen to these people, Larry. They're just bitter and jealous and right.