My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.

If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there'd be a lot less cello music, for example.

The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.

Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.