You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?

When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.

Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.

I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story