Edible underwear?... even during sex, we can't stop eating.

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.

There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.