Edible underwear?... even during sex, we can't stop eating.

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.

If being a gangster were a prerequisite to being a musician, there'd be a lot less cello music, for example.

Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.

The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.