Terrorism is obviously on everybody's mind. The other day my son says to me, 'Daddy, how come the bad men hate us?' How sad is that? I actually got tears in my eyes - because he's 18. What kind of a moron am I raising?

If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?

There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.