Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

Little did I know that earning a living at stand-up is the hardest thing you can do. But once I started doing it, I just loved it, and I realized that I was actually kinda good at it, and then that was it.

I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.

On a day-to-day basis, you get tired of waiting to be accepted. In show business, someone else has to say that you're good or that you're worth going to see or worth taping a show. There's a lot of pain here. There's a lot of pain inside. I'm a sad, crying-on-the-inside kind of clown.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.

If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?