Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.

The irony of prison is that it takes years and years and years to plan an elaborate escape, but all you have is years and years and years.

When you get famous and rich when you're young, what happens is you start feeling insecure.

The longer I live, the more I'm convinced the world is just one big high school, with the cool kids always targeting the uncool.

[If Republicans] got to put their kids into public school. They got to take public health. They would become libertarian faster than you could say Ayn Rand.

When one becomes a liberal, he or she pretends to advocate tolerance, equality and peace, but hilariously, they’re doing so for purely selfish reasons. It’s the human equivalent of a puppy dog’s face: an evolutionary tool designed to enhance survival, reproductive value and status. In short, liberalism is based on one central desire: to look cool in front of others in order to get love. Preaching tolerance makes you look cooler, than saying something like, 'please lower my taxes.'

I love it when the market reacts naturally to events. It's like a cat coughing up a fur ball.