And eat lots of mints, it fools the cops.

I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.'

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.