And eat lots of mints, it fools the cops.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.

I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I'm not a professional athlete and I don't have access to the good stuff.

I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's anything that a lot of experience on stage and a lot of stage time gives you is the confidence to know that it's ok if they're not laughing every second you're up there. Although that's what drives me and I still go too fast a lot of the time.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.