I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different to us. Seeking out podcasts, listening on headphones, it's like an intimate, specific conversation. People respond if it feels from the heart. I'm as neurotic a human being as lives, and I have my faults. I'm a drunk. But people really like that.

Yo. I'm from Beverly Hills, and I be pimpin'.

Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.'

I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.