I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different to us. Seeking out podcasts, listening on headphones, it's like an intimate, specific conversation. People respond if it feels from the heart. I'm as neurotic a human being as lives, and I have my faults. I'm a drunk. But people really like that.

I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away.

I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.