I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I'm not a professional athlete and I don't have access to the good stuff.

It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'

Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it?

I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it.

I like the night life, I like to boogy.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.