If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.

Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it?

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

I understand that smoking is vaguely inappropriate in certain situations. You know, like an orphanage, cancer ward, whatever.