If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.

Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

Tequila is like acid in a glass.

I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone's safety is protected.

I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.