If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older.

I have to hear this all the time in England: Well, all Americans are fat and stupid, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm. Really? Well, thanks for sending over the best and brightest to start the party. Maybe we can send a few freaky, Texas, militia, hate-group, gun-toting weirdoes back to your country.

I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.

How would you like to make money in real estate?

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

And eat lots of mints, it fools the cops.