I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.

I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.