I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.

Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.

People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.

I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.

I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.

I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.

I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it.