I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.

If you have a funny costume, you can't really wear it when you get older.

I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.

I have to hear this all the time in England: Well, all Americans are fat and stupid, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm. Really? Well, thanks for sending over the best and brightest to start the party. Maybe we can send a few freaky, Texas, militia, hate-group, gun-toting weirdoes back to your country.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's anything that a lot of experience on stage and a lot of stage time gives you is the confidence to know that it's ok if they're not laughing every second you're up there. Although that's what drives me and I still go too fast a lot of the time.

Animals have two vital functions in today's society; to be delicious and to fit well.