You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.

I'm all for dropping lawyers into any war time situation.

It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool.

People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.