You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?

Animals have two vital functions in today's society; to be delicious and to fit well.

Yo. I'm from Beverly Hills, and I be pimpin'.

I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.

I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different to us. Seeking out podcasts, listening on headphones, it's like an intimate, specific conversation. People respond if it feels from the heart. I'm as neurotic a human being as lives, and I have my faults. I'm a drunk. But people really like that.

I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal.

In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.