No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

I have to hear this all the time in England: Well, all Americans are fat and stupid, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm. Really? Well, thanks for sending over the best and brightest to start the party. Maybe we can send a few freaky, Texas, militia, hate-group, gun-toting weirdoes back to your country.

Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.

I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I'm not a professional athlete and I don't have access to the good stuff.

I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.