I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.

It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool.

I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's anything that a lot of experience on stage and a lot of stage time gives you is the confidence to know that it's ok if they're not laughing every second you're up there. Although that's what drives me and I still go too fast a lot of the time.

If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

I would never advocate the use of dope because, you know, I'm not a professional athlete and I don't have access to the good stuff.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.