Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

Tequila is like acid in a glass.

If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug.

People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.

And eat lots of mints, it fools the cops.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'