Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.

I'm always looking for that place, you know, where there's no rednecks, that place where people get along, and I never find it. I went to Australia, right, and I thought Australia was gonna be a groovy, surfnoid, smoke-a-joint wombat, you know? 'G'day mate!' 'No worries!' And it's like Arkansas with a beach. It's a whole country with a 'No Fat Chicks' sticker on it.

I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.

I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.