White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.

My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.

Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'

President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.

I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.