Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it?

People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.

I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?

Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.

Animals have two vital functions in today's society; to be delicious and to fit well.