Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it?

I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's anything that a lot of experience on stage and a lot of stage time gives you is the confidence to know that it's ok if they're not laughing every second you're up there. Although that's what drives me and I still go too fast a lot of the time.

Ever since you're little you hear this: 'The pilgrims left England to escape religious persecution and sneak religious freedom into the new world.' But even when you're little you're like, 'Umm.. Bullsh*t?'

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

I wear glasses. That's how you'll know me. I am the speccy one.... And I am proud.

Arizona changes its state motto to Damn, it's hot.

Oh, I don't wear a bathing suit. I wear a tent when I go out.