I've got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it's all lower.
The dog is dressed just like me at the climax of my act.
Men aren’t attracted to me by my mind. They’re attracted by what I don’t mind.
You don't have to be naked to look naked. You just have to think naked.
I used to come home at night full of inspiration, and sit up with a bottle of Scotch. As I wrote, the words seemed wonderful, just too wonderful to be coming from me. Next morning I always found they were terrible and I could never use anything I wrote.
God will protect us, but to make sure, carry a heavy club