I used to come home at night full of inspiration, and sit up with a bottle of Scotch. As I wrote, the words seemed wonderful, just too wonderful to be coming from me. Next morning I always found they were terrible and I could never use anything I wrote.
Men aren’t attracted to me by my mind. They’re attracted by what I don’t mind.
I'm probably the highest paid outdoor entertainer since Cleopatra.
I've got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it's all lower.
You don't have to be naked to look naked. You just have to think naked.
The dog is dressed just like me at the climax of my act.