I got girls that can cook, I got girls that can clean, I got girls that'll do anything between.

Why don't we all just get a long-neck?

The greatest of men, they don't get too big to cry. They just loose faith in love and life.

There is no freedom of speech if you're a conservative.

The presidents against Congress, the Senate is against the House, people are against politicians, and I'm against cats in the house.

We've got a Muslim for a president who hates cowboys, hates cowgirls, hates fishing, hates farming, loves gays and we hate him!

I went and got a tire tool out of my truck, and straightened him out as cold as a block of ice. It was an attitude adjustment, and it'll work every time.