An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.

Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.

No man can understand why a woman shouldn't prefer a good reputation to a good time.

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature - and another woman to help him forget them.

A man's ideal woman is the one he couldn't get.

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.

At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.