An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.

When a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay her – and usually it's the last.

To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions.

There are people whose watch stops at a certain hour and who remain permanently at that age.

No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.

Love: woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.