An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.

There are more ways of killing a man's love than by strangling it to death, but that's the usual way.

A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little 'personal characteristics.'

Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.

There are many times where a woman would gladly drop her husband if she did not feel morally certain that some other woman would come right along and pick him up.

Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification.