A fool and her money are soon courted.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

Before marriage, when a woman speaks to a man in an undertone, he calls it "cooing"; after marriage, he calls it nagging.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

An optimist is merely an ex-pessimist with his pockets full of money, his digestion in good condition, and his wife in the country.

When a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay her – and usually it's the last.