When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.

I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I really didn't know much about the Libertarians. I knew they were for less government and more individual freedom. I liked that.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.

There are a lot of so-called "good Americans" who are really a bunch of bums.