Howard Stern Quotes

You have to make a decision, what you want to do in life, ... Your deal can be, you can leave tomorrow. Soon as you leave, you will be forgotten.

I think I'm probably a little too desperate to be successful.

I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough.

Relationships are based on trust until you meet someone new.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I will always be mad at someone. That will never go away.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

It causes me great pain to sue the company I work for. Nevertheless, I had to do it. Suffice it to say, there's a dispute and I believe I haven't been given what is mine.

I'm trapped inside of me and I don't go out at all. I go to bed at eight o'clock at night. I never go out during the week. I'm in psychotherapy four days a week, pretty heavy commitment to it.

Okay, well, I guess I'm still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.

There are a lot of so-called "good Americans" who are really a bunch of bums.

I will never feel successful.

Rick Shapiro is a top comedian.

Mike Walker is the Hemingway of gossip.

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death.

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly! At least with Jesus Christ, you can't go talk to the guy.

I'm going to take over the world. Everyone watch out, you're in big trouble.

We all get one life to live here. It's 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd.

We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel.

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.

I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do.

I'm the voice of honesty.

There's just too many people being bullied, too many people's lives being wrecked. This is something that is long overdue. We all have gay and lesbian people in our families, and these are good people.

I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises -- except for those of us who have vaginas.

I feel blessed, I really feel fulfilled.

I'm on the air five hours, and I blurt out anything in my head. Dangerous? Maybe.

If you're a Christian you don't sit there and worry about what somebody else is doing, if they're happy and they're committed in a relationship.

I really didn't know much about the Libertarians. I knew they were for less government and more individual freedom. I liked that.

I've actually apologized to some people I was a real jerk to, because I feel ashamed. I didn't need to be that hungry. There was something going on inside me when I was angry and feeling very threatened and not feeling good about myself.

I believe in censorship when it benefits me.

I believe we will start believing in God as we get closer to death.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I'm sure some people might be offended by that, but this is my feeling about show business. It's not all about pure talent. There are certain people who command a stage because they look good ,like me.

I am circumcised, and I tell you something, I despise it. I despise it. I despise it... I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God.

And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you're going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can't apologize for it.

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.

I'm not a good listener some times. I'm too much of a control freak. I'm learning to be better. I was so caught up in just getting the job done that I would miss out on the human aspect of this. There was a connection missing.

I'm a believer that satellite radio, whether I'm on it or not, will take off.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I'm a parent, and I regulate what my kids listen to. I don't need the government to be the parent. If I'm a crappy parent, then I need the government involved.

These nutbags, like Santorum and Bachmann, who make these people and especially young gay kids feel miserable, shame on them. They're quacks. I would never vote for them. I wouldn't even listen to them because there but for the grace of God go they.

Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.