Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises -- except for those of us who have vaginas.

Set about doing good to somebody. Put on your hat and go and visit the sick and poor of your neighborhood; inquire into their circumstances and minister to their wants. Seek out the desolate and afflicted and oppressed. . . I have often tried this method, and have always found it the best medicine for a heavy heart.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I believe in censorship when it benefits me.

I'm at a point in my career, I've been around a long time now, over 35 years in broadcasting. I don't worry about much. I respect what America's Got Talent is. It is a family show. It is a show that I love.

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.