I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God.

It's no treat being in bed with me.

Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.