There are a lot of so-called "good Americans" who are really a bunch of bums.

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death.

I will never feel successful.

Relationships are based on trust until you meet someone new.

Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

Rick Shapiro is a top comedian.